April 1, 2017
USConnect is pleased to announce special nutritional trends and guidelines, especially for April Fools’ Day.
- Salt, Fat, and Sugar are the new Quinoa, Kale, and Goji Berries: Toss out those kale salads and make room for the latest health food trend: bacon doughnuts! In a stunning reversal, the people playing nutritionists on infomercials have declared that fatty, salty, and sugary foods are the healthiest foods of all. Super-sized bags of potato chips, multi-pack snack cakes, and deep-fried fast foods are all excellent sources of these three food groups. But for one-stop shopping for fat, salt, and sugar, look no further than the bacon doughnut: three food groups rolled into one!
- The More Stress, the Better: Despite years of research citing stress as a major contributor to heart disease, stroke, and obesity, new studies now suggest that stress is actually healthy! People who aren’t stressed enough may risk facial fatigue from too much smiling, or muscle tiredness from too much exercise. Beware, and get more stress today!
- Sitting on Couch Now Good for You: According to many experts who spend a lot of time sitting on couches, sitting on couches is now considered to be the healthiest possible behavior. In related studies, playing video games was found to be excellent for brain development, especially for young children. New guidelines recommend spending at least eight hours per day on the couch, preferably watching some sort of screen.
- No Nutritional Information is Good Nutritional Information: Bucking widespread cultural trends, one group of nutrition experts is now suggesting that leaving all nutritional information off labels is the best way to go. “Everyone likes getting a surprise now and then,” said a spokesman, speaking on the condition of anonymity. “We think that when people understand the nutritional components of their food, it takes the fun out of the meal. Where’s the mystery? Let’s remove that nutritional information and bring some pizzazz back to mealtime.”
Happy April Fools’ Day! USConnect’s regular blog, filled with informative stories about nutritional and workplace trends, will be back next week.